While having a conversation with my posse at friend’s winery yesterday, our subject matter turned to the erotic. For my friends, who surrounded me as I held court yet once again, they eagerly listened to what I had to say on the subjects our minds go when we are a bit buzzed and enjoying light banter and fun. When I did become an expert here? Not! Still, I had some thoughts readily shared with my honesty, boldness; clinical explanations thrown in.
“Intimacy can be quite erotic for most men,” I said. “For most women the erotic component just isn’t there as they crave intimacy often trading sex for the intimacy,” “Men relish staying in the role of enjoyment of the erotic long after intimacy is gone in their relationships, even with wives because wives give up on intimacy, the reason why marriage is not for me” These were my statements just thought material for my boys who are nice guys, all married for many years.
“How do you figure this?”, one of them asked me. That was a good question but I implored him to think about even this conversation. I readily have to discuss intimate subjects with my patients as a physician. There is nothing more intimate than examination of the body as I search, no confirm, pathology and solve clinical problems. Trust me, there is no and never any erotica. Erotica can never be part of a clinical relationship.
For many in life, the intimacy goes quickly followed by loss of the erotic and then something of playing a role, keeping comfortable sets in and stays there. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in the presence of another person, especially if you live with that person but as a solitary soul, I never want comfort without intimacy. I understand the erotic but it’s far buried for me; not to return; my heart smolders with the erotic but not with the intimate.
One can have intimacy in friendships and not confuse that intimacy with that which is erotic. The best kind of friendship is intimate, accepting and perhaps a bit celebrating. Such joy in an intimate connection with great spirits. My vineyard boys not appreciating that intimacy doesn’t involve my shoulder to revealed its bareness or my lace dress caressing my thigh, now becoming more muscular with my daily running though they found those gestures erotic- I definitely did not go there. I couldn’t stop laughing because I couldn’t even do this two weeks ago, too frightening for me.
I sipped my chardonnay reserve, tasting more fruitiness as it’s coldness touched my tongue after enjoying its bouquet. This wine was an aged white with the display of the environment of the grapes when they were picked; now captured forever. I settled in with coldness of the glass moving across my bare forearm with a smile. No boys, I experience the intimacy of savoring this wine without the erotic. I took a bit of your hearts, integrating them in this experience too. Don’t make the mistake of being confused as there was no confusion on my part. Consider the erotica without the intimacy!