This morning in the cool salt air, I decided to warm up, get into my comfortable cruise form and listen. I wanted to see where my mind would take me; where my thoughts would go. Last evening, in the clear chilly air with an almost full moon, my mind, body and head enjoyed the spiritual feel of live jazz music done by my neighbor.
The venue was intimate, the drinks were good; a superb warmth of hearing every chord, tone and riff enjoyable, no make that fun and playful. When my neighbor plays his “horn”, I can see him smiling, feel his joy and love the sounds he produces, a great talent. His brother, a guitarist, joined him on the small stage in the dark lounge. For me, a woman of no creativity, a performance by my talented friends is most welcome.
This morning, still feeling the energy of last evening, my ears head the faint sounds of a breeze coming in off the bay. What was in this breeze for me? It was telling me to relax, feel the serenity and just be present. Sure, I said my prayers of gratitude for my health and my capacity to love purely without promise. I am grateful that I realized that I have come to a place of peace within myself. It has taken some years of hurt, tragedy experienced but now no expectations other than to enjoy the moment I am in.
I went to thoughts of adding more precision to my practice. As I spend some much-needed time on my journal reading, I make notes of what I must incorporate in my teaching. I know I have made the best decisions for where I am in life; now grateful that I can stand alone, perhaps thrive alone. Though I want to share my adventures, that is not to be as I come to terms with being solitary by force.
My solitude of which running is a part, is not sad or lonely. It’s my method of listening to those matters I need to hear. I can’t be of service to others in need without being complete within myself. So I moved along the jogging path, hearing the wind, hearing inside my head. My world now will be OK as I keep listening with both ears, concentrating on one sense at a time. I have nothing to lose and now I know my end. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than seeing those I love succeed and enjoy happiness. If I can contribute even a small bit to their lives, I am grateful.