The fog has covered the city, the bridge and the mountains as I completed my work for the day. It’s quite civilized to work from home, tap into the computer, analyze data to make suggestions and plot strategies. I love this new role for me; relishing in the wonder of new discovery and truth. The library is at my fingertips and my books contained on a single jump drive. It’s a wonder that I have much information available at the speed of light.
Yesterday, I spent most of the afternoon in the city hopping from place to place in my white convertible car, finally ending up with a Bloody Mary at our Yacht Club. It’s breath-taking at times, that I have fallen back into my role here as physician-scientist and socialite. This evening a party to watch the NBA Championship complete with superb cocktails. I love my social life out here; now connecting with a large circle of friends from work. Fortunate for me, if I didn’t run and watch what I eat, I would gain weight but I run the waterfront, marina and the hills (my friends). All things being equal, not a bad existence.
My non-scientific reading with a beer poolside is a singular pleasure. The stories and characters are interesting exploration. In short, I NEED to be here, reading, studying and working on my serenity. I feel as if I have a secret love to be enjoyed alone with laughter, joy and pure love of where it takes my mind. My reading is key to the “serenity” part. I change as I passed a birthday, hurdling toward my doom; such a prospect. If doomed, I carry my mind and soul with me one thought at a time. It’s my task to reinvent myself always. As a person, I don’t have any agenda other than to enjoy myself; in the perfect locale for this. Like Earl, I just want to be a better person, one day at a time and not of this world now.
Before light, as I looked for the lights of the city, shrouded in fog, I thought of my madness and passion. Yes, I have passion largely unused and untapped. My passion frightens me at times but I channel it into my running and studies. I control my mind and therefore control my existence. Sometimes I wish I could just fall into a role and not seek the very best of myself. I wish I could just give up, live an ordinary life without my adventure. I have loved sharing some of my experiences with my kindred spirits. Forever resigned to my role of being who I choose.
As my running workouts move into the later afternoon because of extreme darkness (no streetlights), I work, I listen to music, I read and I make my way- perhaps back to the home I don’t have anymore; never really had a home anyway.