“And my passions flow like rivers to the sun.”– MacArthur Park
I choose to live without regret. Yes, I love with a passion; connected deeply and completely but I do not regret the pain of losing those with whom I have connected. My heart remembers and makes no apologies. I have the ability to sense, to feel and to recognize the wonders of many but I am alone for my preservation. I do want to be nice to be around though.
I choose to love heroic men of ideas, actions and brilliance even though they do not choose me. I am not a woman that is wanted in anyone’s life. I am not for the immature, the frightened or the superficial. My brain like my hands, cut a bit deeper than the superficial. I breathe deeper than the superficial with senses taking in all around me processing and evaluating what I can make. I don’t stand in one place very long; movement is of more comfort than being static.
I always had a thousand wishes of being valued enough, beautiful enough for someone to want to me. I must get used to the rejections and discounting. This is the case, as with my brown skin, green eyes and grey hair, I am definitely not wanted or good enough but still I love. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never receive flowers from a man or even be cherished for just being a woman. Those things are not for women such as myself though I sometimes would like to know what that’s like. It’s easy for people to forget me like these rocks and bits of wood on my Lake beach but I can wish and keep moving; this I will do without regrets.