About My Mental Health

“My heart is at peace

I run for my body and mind

I can’t be stopped now”

What a difference a year makes! Last year at this time, I was eagerly awaiting and anticipating running my first marathon. I had trained well, felt great but wasn’t prepared for cold, snow, thunderstorms and rain. My first attempt ended in something of a disaster. This year, I am prepared for anything but lack the mileage base to attempt the 26.2 mile distance. That distance will have to wait but I am mentally strong, gloriously serene and one year wiser.

This morning, I finished my last long distance run before next weekend’s race. I will run a short training run on Tuesday evening, one of my last evening runs before next weekend’s test. This year, I am gloriously happy, mentally tough and physically in great shape though I still face muscle cramps! Last night, I was awakened at 2AM by cramping in my legs, thus I upped my intake of bananas today and felt great this morning. So far, no aches after my long run but let’s see how I sleep.

I have an acceptance of life, a peace that keeps me well-grounded. No matter what happens next week, I am going to enjoy every step. Even this morning, I enjoyed every step of the long training run. A couple of my miles were fast for me and wonderful. I listened to my body respond to picking up the pace and enjoyed the fast miles. I also dropped back into a faster “cruise” resting for about a half mile before finishing very strong. Yes, this run was a wonderful discovery.

I don’t look at what I have lost anymore. The lack of support in my academic life, save for my outstanding “touchstone” doesn’t rattle me. I stand my ground and offer excellence in all that I touch and teach. My students performed well without exception, thriving under my guidance. This is enough for me; the rest is meaningless. As my touchstone says, “We are not from here and that’s an advantage.”  Of course, he’s so right and so appreciated.

Though I don’t have much support in my academic department, my collaborations with others have never been better. These collaborations are wonderful and are evidence that I must be doing something right. I see magic in many places these days; always good for my psyche. So it goes and goes which is just about the best that anyone could wish for.

Tomorrow, I serve at my cathedral, starting early. My last class of theology reminded me of how much I will miss my group for the summer. One of my mentors leaving the group but encouraging me to do and achieve more. I am far from perfect but I am still on track to finish these studies in the next two years. My mind and my empathic nature continues to lead me; I trust. To love with the heart and mind that I have now is my inspiration and I run into my future without limits.

 

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