With Rain

“If I don’t come back
I was never meant for you
I was for your mind.”

I ran fast this morning in the early darkness; a sliver of moon in a clearing sky as the clouds moved out over the Lake. Puddles of water from last evening’s downpour; remainders and reminders of my tears and grief.

Next week, I excise ties with my late husband’s family; never my family in reality.  I am an outsider in my usual role. As I attend his mother’s funeral, from my position of palpable solitude with my thoughts, I end this chapter of my life. My memories of when it started; hope but now I stand alone.

I am flawed and damaged; definitively of no value. I don’t ask for anything except I have to keep thinking and I have to keep something. I only ask for a small piece for me alone. I ask for a tiny part that I can place in my heart to keep for me only shared between the two of us. I will never belong again; assured of that fact. I would give you the world if I could as that is how I see you.

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