Meanings

“If I stop, then tell me just what I will do.”

Awakened before 3AM by rain and wind pounding the small window of my call room. One of my colleagues had phoned for assistance with a late evening case; wonderful opportunity for teaching and fellowship. I was exhausted by a day of meetings followed by my seminary class study of the Pastoral epistles but I happily rolled into the hospital for an opportunity to assist my master surgeon friend. A treat for me punctuated by an unexpected but welcome text from a friend who is doing spectacular creative things for the city. Life in the exhaustion lane was affirming last evening though I could have used a couple of running miles but didn’t have the energy; too exhausted past 11pm to run on the treadmill next door to my call room.

This morning, post downpour, my head focused on a sail of almost two years ago; familiar feeling creeping into my mind. I was the supervising physician and novice mate on a sail boat ocean cruise with seven young men. I took the job and experience to find some reason to stay in this life and world. Even today as I write this, I still wonder why and how I continue to place one foot in front of the other; taking each day and even each hour at a time. The ocean sail winds and pouring rain making the same sounds; having the same meaning as those that pounded the window of my small call room. The change now is that I am strong enough to face those winds and rains without bending.

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