As an empath, I detect energy on many levels with other human beings that becomes difficult to explain to those who do not share this characteristic. My heart feels an energy of presence, of being and of spirit; often confusing for my scientific brain. I have struggled with these feelings and perceptions most of my life as soon as I realized that I was different. It wasn’t until my mentor in surgical residency defined my role as an empath and surgeon that provided some explanation of why my mind becomes restless and exhausted.
My mentor considered his empathic nature as something special and somewhat sacred but for me, this nature has been troubling and confusing. I am almost convinced at my advanced age, after many years of running away from people and things that confuse me, I should make one more attempt at understanding. Perhaps these feelings are the result of my meditations on my long runs or my increased acknowledgement of my spiritual side but I will bite.
I am not religious but spiritual, for lack of a more descriptive word, in the sense of non-acceptance and non-practice of dogma. My religion is to reach out and touch a bold heart as I completely rely on my feelings surrounding the energy of others. I sense what I sense without agenda or judgment; only description and questioning.
My heart has been affirmed by these connections and feelings. One or two of my greatest connects are frightening but I am drawn to them with minimal hesitation because of the boldness of spirit; the brilliance of thought and the energy of action; heady matters sometimes for me but great fun.
I am sure that they sense my connection; they have to sense my connection. Just as I am a scientist with observation and testing of principles, my empathic nature is a tool for me now. With my tools, I explain and try to mirror what I feel. I am sure that I am no fun for my friends but I can’t change my nature. For certain, I can be in-your-face honest with my feelings without embarrassment on my part.
Sometimes, I have to set out on adventures and challenges because my mind won’t let me stay in one place. Make no mistake, I am seeking something that I can’t define at present but I know it when I find it. This is why I am of action and grateful that I am in constant movement. It’s as if I hear a song, play a melody, write counterpoint or vibrate with the energy that feel. I am compelled to seek men of action and follow their example.