I have decided to stop connecting with one of my friends because I always feel as if I am an outsider, an intruder. This was my decision made on one of my runs on this dreary gray day of mid-January. I decided to stop inviting him to share my little city adventures, my explorations and things in general in my life. I just don’t have time to deal with being shut out. It’s time for me to move on and keep to myself.
I wish I had not reached out to connect with him. In my old age, I am pulling my heart and soul back in a bit. I believe that this is best for the life of solitude that I am enjoying these days. In short, I enjoy my crap and I don’t care that others come and go. I am only concerned with my day to day challenges.
I am working on several projects for professional development. I am always a woman of ideas and I love to share them with my colleagues when I can. One of my very brilliant colleagues has been out of town, or I have been out of town, but I loved to have his reaction to what I am attempting to “pull off”. One of these days I may have a chance to have him “weigh in” on my new project. He’s one of the most exciting thinkers that I have met. Such is the world of academia.
One day last July, I was hanging out with him and had a great experience. He forces me to examine my processing and move faster and faster. Perhaps as I have said before, as I go around the block, he goes around the world; the power of his mind purely palpable for me. Still, I live in the dark places of my world and his world is light and wonderful. I can’t compete with such things and won’t compete with such things. I keep living, seeking, expressing and transducing what I find.
If I have lost anything, it’s my quest to explore this world from above. I haven’t been flying over the Lake recently. Partially, in the winter, the weather does not allow me to fly visually. I am restless to be above 5,000 feet and might have a chance to do so in about 24 hours. The sky above cold blue water calls me more often that I would admit. It’s time for me to go up top and allow the sun in my life. No more!