Mistakes?

” When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them the first time.”– Maya Angelou

I am a forgiving person. I have re-invented myself many times over the years as I learn more and more about myself. This I do on my early morning runs as I meditate and pray. How can I not allow others to do this? I always have to allow this in others.

Yes, my heart and spirit get broken sometimes. Yes, I am made acutely aware that for some, no matter what I accomplish in life; no matter how many lives I have saved; no matter how many hours I spend honing my surgical craft and clinical acumen, keeping up with medical literature, directing my research lab and teaching my patients and students, I will never be good enough (because of my skin color) to be a person of any value or worth.

I am happy that some have so many friends, are so great and are in possession of such a wonderful life that they are able to throw out people who don’t have any value for them. This is probably a great position to enjoy in life; a position I can never relate to. I have never been fortunate enough to be able to dismiss anyone. This is just not in my nature. I can’t turn off my empathic connections even if they bring great pain and sadness.

Yes, I recognize that there are those who are greater than me; those who have everything that they want in life and the ability to discount and devalue me. I also know that my joy often comes with generous connection with the risk that I will be dismissed because I am not of worth or value. This time, I make no apologies for these connections because they are a part of me. This is not a mistake for me but the hard part of being a person who is infinitely forgiving and honest; most of all empathic.

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