The Flame Burns

To recharge, to reinvent oneself! Where most people go on vacation to do this, I do this every day on my runs with meditation and pushing my body/mind to their limits. This is my secret weapon perhaps the key to my extreme positivity that increases daily. This is what I wish to impart to those I encounter; my patients, my colleagues, my friends and my students. This is the magic of what my life has become. The flame burns inside my heart, my muscles and my brain.

As I walk and run this earth, running through life and each moment I am now given at my age, I breathe deeper and connect on levels that I have not previously reached. Though I know this is intimidating for many who encounter me, there may be a few, rare individuals who might understand where I am headed and might not mind that I pull them along with me. There may be a few that are not stopped by my passion to not just “go through the minutes” but to make every minute count and be savored.

I am fortunate in that I can recognize greatness of mind and spirit when I find them. I am fortunate that I have been touched by some of the greatest human beings that live on this Earth today. Here I am, right here in an ordinary place, connecting with extraordinary people; a gift from God of which I am not worthy to receive. I strive to be worthy of these gifts through prayer, meditation and awareness.

All of us are the result of our experiences but even our individual experiences can be shared, celebrated and magnified when we find  connection, that extraordinary connect of spirit and passion if we allow. In my case, I find myself not allowing some with wondrous gifts; those who can do what few others can accomplish-even conceive of, to retreat in anger and hurt. I am here to be the transducer, the seeker, the discoverer, the adventurer and the scientist. I refuse to allow my hero to simply “go through the motions” of life and living.

I loved a man who was given a talent for music,the likes of which will never be heard again. He was hurting; committed suicide and deprived the world of all that he alone could accomplish. I vow that when I find another, others, with extraordinary talent and the hurt that often goes along with those extraordinary gifts, I would risk my heart to connect and renew their faith in themselves without agenda but with the aim of not allowing them to take those gifts from a world in dire need by retreat. Yes, I have cried; my spirit broken but I don’t give up now as I did when my husband took his life, without warning. Now, I am strong enough to stay and stand my ground because I am right.

The earliest lessons of my parents who were the best parents any child could have is this: those earliest lessons all centered around that I was given much and much is expected of me. The expectations would not be easy or quickly achieved. I simply refuse to accept, to become complacent with the ordinary but to seek and celebrate the extraordinary when I find it and wherever I find it.

I do not seek understanding, especially from those who can’t conceive of my world but the only thing I will accept is that I will not be ordinary and I will not allow acceptance of the ordinary. I will always seek and produce excellence in those places that might seem ordinary. This is the gift that I have been given; this is my lesson to my world as my vocations of surgeon/physician, professor and potential priest all involve teaching and connecting with souls. I am an extreme alpha empath without apology.  Those who have the strength of spirit to deal with me will find extraordinary peace and discovery with our connection.

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