I do not follow a path; I set my own way! I served Tenebrae at services this evening, the middle of our Holy Week with Easter coming this next Sunday. Tenebrae is dark, solemn and serene. My mind going into the dark as the candlelit service drew to an end. To feel the dark is to find the light; a single candle left at the end; the cathedral dark with only the faint light of the early spring setting sun illuminating through the stained glass of the windows in the ceiling facing the west. For morning services, I always face the west with the sun streaming in overhead; angles and lines enveloping my spirit along with my prayers and meditations.
This evening, I had much to review, contemplate and consider. I have to remain strong, independent with a very clear head. I have to show no weakness and make no mistakes with my heart or my brain. My empathic nature flooding my brain; my heart hiding in the darkness. This is where I go for safety and solace. I will not allow myself to be drawn into something that my brain can’t process. I will go into the darkness; like the cathedral; cold, stone-hard but filled with the spirit of the sounds and colors that filled it earlier in the evening.
I lifted some weights because I didn’t have time to go on a run. The running would have flooded my brain with endorphins that would have given me a false sense of serenity. My brain stayed clear; no betrayal of my heart and feelings. The weights gave me a sense of independent strength without euphoria; no euphoria in these matters. I follow the path from dark into the light however faint. The deeper the darkness the more easily I can detect the change into light. I will watch, wait and keep my heart closed as this is always my strength.