Searching for a small ray of light!

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” ― C.G. Jung via Daniel C. Potts MD (Twitter)

Today, I am having a struggle with getting through each moment of the day. I pray to feel and see that the darkness I am finding in others will help me with my darkness today. I found that at the end of my morning run, I just fell into a pool of tears that I can’t seem stem. Even my office staff has been avoiding me today.

I know some of the issues that I have been moving through over the past week or so. I have a bit of “survivor’s guilt” in that I was about 24 hours from being killed. A colleague phoned from overseas to tell me that an assignment I had accepted would have resulted in death for any of us who would have been in that location because of an attack. I am beyond grateful for being alive but I can’t seem to shake the guilt associated with knowing that those who arrived just before me were killed in an explosion.

Someone asked me if I was ever afraid to take an assignment in an area that always carried some measure of danger. My response is that my purpose is only to provide humanitarian medical care anywhere I am needed. I always know that I can be killed driving home from the hospital here or as I run in the early morning on the street. I always know that death is a part of life; living a life means that one lives with purpose and resolve to give the very best always. This has always been my reservoir of strength.

Today, my darkness is so palatable, present and visceral. I know that to have purpose and resolve is why I am alive. To love others, without question is my purpose on this earth and why I am still here. While I can’t shake the tears, the nauseating sadness and some trepidation, I feel the darkness.

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