Holding onto Disappointment

“1 The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”-Psalm 27:1-3

This week, I found myself somewhat disappointed that a service opportunity I had long sought would not be available. In my meditations, I seek to examine why I feel this extreme disappointment but accept that this is not the right time for me to serve in this manner. I believe that I sought this somewhat dangerous post because I wanted to help those who have experienced much heartache and devastation in their short lives. For me, to see suffering and try to alleviate it is as much a part of my life as breathing oxygen.

With some issues that have come forth in my teaching duties, I have become somewhat disillusioned. Though I always seek understanding, I know that I will not always find the understanding of the behavior of others, that I seek. Still, I know that my faith will allow me to always see the humanity in others though they might not attain what they desire most. When a student attempted to assault me and did assault two of my colleagues, I spent more than an hour with him trying to understand his feelings and the root of this unexpected behavior.

One thing I learned from the experience, is that listening and compassion are vital to the educational process. In short, I was not a perfect student and I am certain that my behavior was questionable in the mind of some of my professors. As I explained to my troubled student, “The stress of holidays and school help to explain your behavior but do not excuse your behavior.” “You may want to seek some outside objective discussion on how you can handle stress and take one task at a time.”

More important, I believe that this student has much potential in terms of being able to practice medicine but at this point, perhaps the time is not right. If I implore him to be patient and accept the timing of matters that are essentially our of his hands, I can let go of my disappointment and find peace and assurance that my assignment will come with the time is right too. This is my confidence today and my acceptance too.


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