New Year

” I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”-Ephesians 1: 18-19 (NIV)

I had hoped that a new person who entered my life in November, would be someone with whom I could share friendship. The relationship began with him reaching out to me but sadly, this will not be possible. I know that my life is quite complicated. For these complications, I feel it is best that I keep working on myself and seeking the my own way alone, much as I have done my entire life.

I know that I am not a person who will be loved or cherished in my life. I am not beautiful, charming and have little value in my society. I seek a life of service, not to be rewarded but to fill what is needed. I am deeply flawed and accept those flaws. Surely, my heart will stay open and I will not become cynical and sarcastic. I ask openness and honesty and give the same in return.

I pray for strength to keep on a positive pathway. I meditate to be open and aware of the suffering of others. I am a work in progress, trying to survive daily and anyone who enters my life will have to be patient with me. I don’t understand why some seek to hurt me as hurting others is so foreign to me. I am coming to accept that I will never be loved again and that’s OK with me. I keep walking on broken glass and trying to minimize the cuts but they hurt deeply, nevertheless.

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