The anniversary of the death of my husband is rapidly approaching. As the date draws near, I find a sense of darkness starting to creep back into my soul. I find myself thinking of how much Gene must have been contemplating ending his precious life while I was so oblivious to his pain. I find myself pausing just to breathe through the tears as they come.
I have a new friend (we have only met once) who has rekindled many of the same feelings that I shared with Gene. He’s brilliant, creative and gifted beyond reason, quirky and amazingly connected with me in many ways. He’s an actor/director who can see the world like no one I have ever met. When I first met him, he took my breath away but then disappeared without any communication.
When he did send an update, I found my head back with Gene and plunged into all of the emotions that I sought to avoid. The good thing for my new friend is that I take him as I find him without agenda. This allows me to be patient with allowing him to know me.
I am filling my days with academics and surgery because we are busy but I am barely surviving otherwise. I have to find my wings again and get above this.