I am trying to fly but I can’t seem to find my wings.

The anniversary of the death of my husband is rapidly approaching. As the date draws near, I find a sense of darkness starting to creep back into my soul. I find myself thinking of how much Gene must have been contemplating ending his precious life while I was so oblivious to his pain. I find myself pausing just to breathe through the tears as they come.

I have a new friend (we have only met once) who has rekindled many of the same feelings that I shared with Gene. He’s brilliant, creative and gifted beyond reason, quirky and amazingly connected with me in many ways. He’s an actor/director who can see the world like no one I have ever met. When I first met him, he took my breath away but then disappeared without any communication.

When he did send an update, I found my head back with Gene and plunged into all of the emotions that I sought to avoid. The good thing for my new friend is that I take him as I find him without agenda.  This allows me to be patient with allowing him to know me.

I am filling my days with academics and surgery because we are busy but I am barely surviving otherwise. I have to find my wings again and get above this.

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2 thoughts on “I am trying to fly but I can’t seem to find my wings.

    • Hi,
      I think of you and appreciate your writing very much. My “touchstone” says that the darkness is part of the appreciation of light. This has kept me going these days (along with my surgery). Thanks for sharing your work also.

      Liked by 1 person

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