Beloved (why I am not)

As early as I can remember, I knew that I would not be a beloved person. Beloved souls are surrounded by people who love them and treasure them.  I have never been treasured in this regard. My observations of my beloved friends is not seeking approval or even regard; I only try to understand rather than be understood; possibly why I am not beloved and will not be. As one goes through this life, a high degree of comfort with where one is going becomes conferred.

Acceptance is why not being one of the beloved has been an advantage for me. I have loved with a passion that launched me to the edge of space and beyond, but I am at peace with where I find myself in these matters. Now I know that I am to be a guarded solitary soul with parts of my heart, I have examined bits and pieces of my beloved friends’ lives with an interest in that which I am not.

Those of us who are not beloved are somewhat free to pursue other aspects of life with a passion that can fill the heart. Passion has been my goal in my profession, honing my technical skills with each problem encountered. Not being beloved has enabled me to strike out on a myriad of adventures to see the earth around me with a new vision. As time passes, not being beloved has also pushed me into a dance tempered with music, I only hear, off key at times.

To my beloved friends (I do admit envy), most that I encounter, I can’t live in your world but I admire you and your navigation of it nevertheless. When I find another soul who is not beloved, I can readily acknowledge them as they come into an understanding of this world. I will not expose my heart, and I guard myself for self-preservation. The best part of my world is that I accept all  souls without agenda as I seek only to understand and connect.

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